September has been a strange month for me over the past few decades. Along with the significance of the 9/11 attacks in 2001, the day after also holds a special meaning for me. On Sept. 12, 1997, I became a quadriplegic and lost the ability to use my arms and legs. 

Each September years after that fateful illness brought a wide range of emotions, but this year, one emotion stood out more than most. Fear. 

As I look back on my experience with my illness, Hopkins Syndrome, I vividly remember how I felt initially as I woke from my coma in the intensive care unit at Phoenix Children’s Hospital. Once I gained my bearings, I could feel the fear wash over me. I was covered in tubes as I.V. bags and monitors towered over my bedside. I was a scared 14-year-old boy stuck in a life-changing moment. 

At the time, I was just trying to survive. Determining how the rest of my life would turn out was pretty low on my to-do list. It’s completely understandable for me to be afraid and fearful about what was happening. My life was changing right before me. 

But as the days turned to weeks, and weeks into months, the fear slowly receded. With each physical therapy session and child life appointment, I began to understand my new reality and adjust to my life as a person with a disability. 

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Now don’t get me wrong, 23 years later the fear is still very much there. But it’s not driving me away from my hope for a great life. 

I may be scared of not being able to accomplish or experience all I wanted in life, but I’m hopeful of what my future holds. Uncertainty feeds my fear of what could be, but unwavering optimism strengthens my resolve to live life to the best of my abilities, even if I can’t move my arms and legs. 

In today’s world, fear seems to be unending at times. From the coronavirus to the current political landscape, there’s a wide supply of things to be afraid of. But just as I have learned over the years, I wish those reading this will continue to find strength in their own hope and not let their fears overcome their ability to find happiness.

No matter how big or small. 

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