My biggest regret after becoming disabled

Last year, I was asked to speak to a group of physical therapy students to talk about my life as a person with a disability. I was asked plenty of great questions, but one in particular really caught me off guard.

“What is the biggest regret in your life?”

I was thrown for a loop. It was a question I’ve never been asked before and, to be honest, I never really thought about.

But after doing a quick scrub through my 36-year history in my mind, one theme kept popping up.

“I wish I was more outgoing,” I replied.

Shyness has been an enemy of mine since childhood and I’ve been fighting it ever since. I was always afraid of talking to people, and it was even worse when I became a quadriplegic. Most of my high school days, I kept to myself and didn’t really try to make new friends. Looking back at that time now, I know that I missed so many opportunities.

For me, there were no Friday hangouts, no all-night house parties or dates with that cute girl from English class. Every time I thought about my social life outside of school, logistical questions flooded my mind.

Who would drive me to the party? Who will help me eat? What if my asthma acts up? What if the house doesn’t have a wheelchair ramp?

So many questions with no real answers. So I just avoided them altogether. If I could give any advice to 14-year-old me, it would be to be brave and have the courage to put yourself out there. Trust yourself and the goodness of others.

I’m not a hermit by any stretch of the imagination, but not being more outgoing when I first became a person with a disability will always be my biggest regret. I missed out on so many things because I was afraid. Afraid of what people thought. Afraid of asking others for help. Afraid of things going bad.

I would like to say I’ve fully overcome my fear, but I’m not quite there yet.

There was this girl I’ve had a crush on for a while, and I was finally going to let her know how I felt on Valentine’s Day. But my fear got the best of me. I may never know if she will be a chapter in my love story, but I know she is destined to find the happy ending she’s looking for.

One day I will overcome this fear, and who knows, maybe one day I’ll even take my own advice.

I talk more about my biggest regret in my latest Have A Seat vlog on YouTube. You can watch the video below.