Here’s why I say 'no' when people ask if I need help

As a quadriplegic, I can’t do many things on my own. I’m what my social worker calls a “total assist.” From getting up in the morning to turning the page of a book, I need help with most daily tasks.

With that in mind, you would think asking for help would be second nature. But it absolutely terrifies me. These moments happen more often than you think. And it happens during different occasions and situations.

It occurs mostly during group activities. Someone will notice me perched in a corner or away from the group and ask if I need help.

I smile politely and respond with a calm, “no thanks, I’m good.” I normally don’t need help most of the time, it’s just me being introverted and shy. But there are moments when I actually do require assistance but decline help to avoid awkward interactions. Like when we eat meals in groups.

I dread attending events with food. For me, it’s a logistical nightmare. If I don’t have an aide or family member with me, trying to coordinate eating is a production, so I generally just avoid it altogether. There’s always someone who asks if I need help, but I always decline.

I am uneasy about it because a lot goes into assisting someone with eating and it’s not quite as simple as feeding a baby or child. Although it could get just as messy. When people ask, I’m afraid that they aren’t realizing what they’re getting into when they offer to help. So I decline since it’s the easiest solution.

After 25 years, you think I would have found a way to overcome this fear, but it is still very much at the center of my mind. I really do appreciate the offers for help, so I hope no one is ever offended when I decline assistance.

Maybe one day I can overcome that anxiety and be more open to accepting help from others. Until then, keep asking.